I love it!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Terrific Turquoise
Just a quick post to share with you a picture of my new tote bag that I bought from Target (online) to replace the one Rama destroyed:
I love it!
I love it!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Alcohol is a Mom’s Best Friend
One of my online indulgences is reading Dear Prudence over at Slate magazine. I was reading this week’s round of letters when I saw a link to the following article: Moms and Drinking: Secret After-Hour Addictions of Working Mothers.
I was absolutely horrified when I read it! The articles talks about a mostly hidden addiction of many working mothers to alcohol and sometimes prescription medication. According to the article, a sizeable amount of women have been self-medicating with these substances, in some cases for years, to cope with the stress of balancing a full time job along with the duties of parenthood.
A couple of things came to mind:
1. Women are working full time outside the home; however they are still contributing to significantly more than half of the child-rearing and household (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) responsibilities even when they have a spouse.
I still do not understand why so many women are contributing so much to child-rearing and household chores when they have a spouse who should also be contributing to those responsibilities in a significant way. Why do some men (and I realize not all men do this, Mr. Tyger being one of them) think this arrangement is acceptable? I realize that not all responsibilities are completely 50/50 for 100% of the time, but shouldn’t both parents be contributing fairly equally to raising their offspring?! Just because sperm cost less to produce in terms of biological energy doesn’t mean men get to take it easy when it comes to being active fathers! Speaking of biology, because in a discussion like this you can never ignore our biological differences, is the organization of the male brain an obstacle for having a more active role as a father and managing chores? No, of course that isn’t an excuse. However, if it is a factor, then men need to be aware of it and they must make a conscious effort to not only be committed fathers but also be eager contributors to household tasks.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that some women seem to think that their spouses are incapable of raising children. While this may be true for some men, it can’t possibly true for all fathers! Are some women not giving their husbands the chance to be an active part of their children’s life?
In case you’re wondering: I’m not trying to assign blame to men and/or women. I’m just asking questions from different perspectives so that I may understand why things are the way they are. I guess that gets back to one of the reasons why I went into science in the first place: I always like to know why.
Or perhaps some men are unsure of how to contribute to their children’s lives? I would think that men would want to have a more meaningful role than just being the guy who got Mom pregnant.
2. These working mothers don’t have a support system either through their spouse or their close friends to help them cope with these pressures.
Why can’t these women go to their spouse and ask for help and more involvement on their part? Can women not confide in their friends about the pressures they face? Is it so shameful to ask for help or to seek comfort?
The founder of the Facebook group “OMG I so need a glass of wine or I’m gonna sell my kids!” is Christine Trice:
Why do mothers need a “safe place” to admit that it’s hard being a parent?! Of course it’s hard! You are raising a human being and teaching them how to grow to be a productive member of society. Who on earth would assume that’s an easy job? Why must one hide the fact that sometimes it’s a bloody awful job? Perhaps because women are thoroughly conditioned from a young age to believe that having children is not an option, but a certainty. That brings me to my third point…
3. Society expects women to balance both motherhood and a full time job without much support from their spouse.
Women may be allowed the same jobs as men; however society on the whole, the media, friends, coworkers, family members and sometimes even complete strangers (!) expect women to have children. This expectation puts tremendous amounts of stress on women who may feel like they would rather not be a mother, but feel like they don’t have a choice in the matter.
You have a CHOICE!
A person, male or female, is not required to have children. Granted your biology may tell you differently, but thanks to effective methods of temporary and permanent birth control, you don’t have to have children if you don’t want to. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say this to me. I came to the decision to be childfree on my own after years of introspection.
So now you have women who are working outside the home and are contributing financially to put food on the table, a roof overhead, and clothes in the closet, but are also expected to do nearly everything a stay-at-home mother would do, in terms of child-rearing and chores. It’s no wonder that women are self-medicating to cope with all the pressure! It’s also not surprising that these women feel like they can’t ask for help or even be frank and admit that their getting a raw deal. Motherhood has been idealized to a point where women cannot live up to the high standards we place on them and still retain any semblance of sanity. Women are strong and resilient, but everyone has their breaking point. Look at the damage we are doing to women by idealizing motherhood which seems to be a terribly mind numbing job, at best, and a soul crushing job, at worst. Is there a reason we readily excuse men from this bleak life style? And why on earth do so many women accept this role?
I understand that it is hard to stand up to the overwhelming majority and say, “No. I will not bow to your demands.” It was incredibly lonely for me to choose childfreedom because I didn’t realize there was such a strong internet presence of like minded people. I went through it alone, as I’m sure many others have before me. But there is no reason to feel alone! If you want to choose a different life, then make the choice. But you must know yourself thoroughly before committing to it. Know your reasons. Know that there are things, both good and bad, that you will miss out on. But if you choose childfreedom you need to be ok with that.
For me, I’m perfectly happy never having the love of my child, my flesh and blood, a part of both my husband and myself. Never looking into a little face and seeing a part of me reflected there. Never holding a baby and knowing that I could never fathom loving someone so much. I am also perfectly happy to never change a diaper filled with diarrhea, never wipe a snotty nose, never have to help with homework, never have to clean up after anyone but myself and my husband, never have to sit through a PTA meeting, never have to pay for college (besides myself and my husband), never have to worry about teen pregnancy and STD’s, never have to worry about drug use, never… need I go on?
I’m not an imbecile. I fully understand that there are uniquely wonderful parts of parenthood that I would revel in had I chosen that path. However, I’m also not an imbecile to think that those beautiful parts of parenthood outnumber and outweigh the boredom, the tediousness, the worry, the frustration and the stress of having even one child.
Childfreedom is the best choice for ME.
This may or may not apply to you. I cannot speak to whether this choice would benefit another’s life in the way it has brought great joy to mine. Each person needs to make the choice for themselves, and themselves alone. Don’t do it because Mariah Carey is pregnant. Don’t do it because your Mother said so. Don’t do it because of your religion. If you choose to have children do it because you looked into yourself, weighed the pros and cons, and reached the conclusion that your life and you, as a person, would be better with children. Make it an informed decision, because the regret and resentment brought on by an uninformed decision might very well ruin your life. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but it is a big decision. It’s not like buying a pair of Jimmy Choo’s on a whim because that would just ruin your budget for the year. Having children would change your entire life, for better or worse.
I was absolutely horrified when I read it! The articles talks about a mostly hidden addiction of many working mothers to alcohol and sometimes prescription medication. According to the article, a sizeable amount of women have been self-medicating with these substances, in some cases for years, to cope with the stress of balancing a full time job along with the duties of parenthood.
A couple of things came to mind:
1. Women are working full time outside the home; however they are still contributing to significantly more than half of the child-rearing and household (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) responsibilities even when they have a spouse.
I still do not understand why so many women are contributing so much to child-rearing and household chores when they have a spouse who should also be contributing to those responsibilities in a significant way. Why do some men (and I realize not all men do this, Mr. Tyger being one of them) think this arrangement is acceptable? I realize that not all responsibilities are completely 50/50 for 100% of the time, but shouldn’t both parents be contributing fairly equally to raising their offspring?! Just because sperm cost less to produce in terms of biological energy doesn’t mean men get to take it easy when it comes to being active fathers! Speaking of biology, because in a discussion like this you can never ignore our biological differences, is the organization of the male brain an obstacle for having a more active role as a father and managing chores? No, of course that isn’t an excuse. However, if it is a factor, then men need to be aware of it and they must make a conscious effort to not only be committed fathers but also be eager contributors to household tasks.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that some women seem to think that their spouses are incapable of raising children. While this may be true for some men, it can’t possibly true for all fathers! Are some women not giving their husbands the chance to be an active part of their children’s life?
In case you’re wondering: I’m not trying to assign blame to men and/or women. I’m just asking questions from different perspectives so that I may understand why things are the way they are. I guess that gets back to one of the reasons why I went into science in the first place: I always like to know why.
Or perhaps some men are unsure of how to contribute to their children’s lives? I would think that men would want to have a more meaningful role than just being the guy who got Mom pregnant.
2. These working mothers don’t have a support system either through their spouse or their close friends to help them cope with these pressures.
Why can’t these women go to their spouse and ask for help and more involvement on their part? Can women not confide in their friends about the pressures they face? Is it so shameful to ask for help or to seek comfort?
The founder of the Facebook group “OMG I so need a glass of wine or I’m gonna sell my kids!” is Christine Trice:
Trice tells ParentDish the group is "not meant to promote drinking, but to be the safe place where moms can admit it is stressful."
Why do mothers need a “safe place” to admit that it’s hard being a parent?! Of course it’s hard! You are raising a human being and teaching them how to grow to be a productive member of society. Who on earth would assume that’s an easy job? Why must one hide the fact that sometimes it’s a bloody awful job? Perhaps because women are thoroughly conditioned from a young age to believe that having children is not an option, but a certainty. That brings me to my third point…
3. Society expects women to balance both motherhood and a full time job without much support from their spouse.
Women may be allowed the same jobs as men; however society on the whole, the media, friends, coworkers, family members and sometimes even complete strangers (!) expect women to have children. This expectation puts tremendous amounts of stress on women who may feel like they would rather not be a mother, but feel like they don’t have a choice in the matter.
You have a CHOICE!
A person, male or female, is not required to have children. Granted your biology may tell you differently, but thanks to effective methods of temporary and permanent birth control, you don’t have to have children if you don’t want to. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say this to me. I came to the decision to be childfree on my own after years of introspection.
So now you have women who are working outside the home and are contributing financially to put food on the table, a roof overhead, and clothes in the closet, but are also expected to do nearly everything a stay-at-home mother would do, in terms of child-rearing and chores. It’s no wonder that women are self-medicating to cope with all the pressure! It’s also not surprising that these women feel like they can’t ask for help or even be frank and admit that their getting a raw deal. Motherhood has been idealized to a point where women cannot live up to the high standards we place on them and still retain any semblance of sanity. Women are strong and resilient, but everyone has their breaking point. Look at the damage we are doing to women by idealizing motherhood which seems to be a terribly mind numbing job, at best, and a soul crushing job, at worst. Is there a reason we readily excuse men from this bleak life style? And why on earth do so many women accept this role?
I understand that it is hard to stand up to the overwhelming majority and say, “No. I will not bow to your demands.” It was incredibly lonely for me to choose childfreedom because I didn’t realize there was such a strong internet presence of like minded people. I went through it alone, as I’m sure many others have before me. But there is no reason to feel alone! If you want to choose a different life, then make the choice. But you must know yourself thoroughly before committing to it. Know your reasons. Know that there are things, both good and bad, that you will miss out on. But if you choose childfreedom you need to be ok with that.
For me, I’m perfectly happy never having the love of my child, my flesh and blood, a part of both my husband and myself. Never looking into a little face and seeing a part of me reflected there. Never holding a baby and knowing that I could never fathom loving someone so much. I am also perfectly happy to never change a diaper filled with diarrhea, never wipe a snotty nose, never have to help with homework, never have to clean up after anyone but myself and my husband, never have to sit through a PTA meeting, never have to pay for college (besides myself and my husband), never have to worry about teen pregnancy and STD’s, never have to worry about drug use, never… need I go on?
I’m not an imbecile. I fully understand that there are uniquely wonderful parts of parenthood that I would revel in had I chosen that path. However, I’m also not an imbecile to think that those beautiful parts of parenthood outnumber and outweigh the boredom, the tediousness, the worry, the frustration and the stress of having even one child.
Childfreedom is the best choice for ME.
This may or may not apply to you. I cannot speak to whether this choice would benefit another’s life in the way it has brought great joy to mine. Each person needs to make the choice for themselves, and themselves alone. Don’t do it because Mariah Carey is pregnant. Don’t do it because your Mother said so. Don’t do it because of your religion. If you choose to have children do it because you looked into yourself, weighed the pros and cons, and reached the conclusion that your life and you, as a person, would be better with children. Make it an informed decision, because the regret and resentment brought on by an uninformed decision might very well ruin your life. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but it is a big decision. It’s not like buying a pair of Jimmy Choo’s on a whim because that would just ruin your budget for the year. Having children would change your entire life, for better or worse.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Lonely Weekends are No Fun
I love my new job! Unfortunately Mr. Tyger’s weekends don’t line up with mine. This means the only time we get to see each other is in the morning when we’re both scrambling to eat breakfast, feed the dog, feed the cats and get out the door, and in the evening when we have to feed all seven of us again and get into bed at a decent time. So basically we have no life. This means no date night, unless one of us is willing to not get a full eight hours sleep. No movies for the same reason and no going out with friends.
So, yes, we have jobs and a source of income so we can go out with friends, but we don't have the time. It’s lame. But, I’ll say it again: in this awful economy, I’m very thankful that we are both employed. Going from seeing my hubby all the time when we were both unemployed to only seeing him for about 3.5 hours a day (not counting when we’re asleep, because that doesn’t really count) is really hard for both of us. Especially since we love spending time together and also seeing our friends, going out and having a social life.
I know I shouldn’t complain. It just takes some getting used to.
Anyway. I just can’t believe that it’s almost November! I’m not sure where this year went. It feels like it was just July. At least the cooler temps have moved into the valley which is a blessed relief from the searing Phoenix sun. When I take Rama on a walk in the mornings, I actually need a hoodie. I think we may need to get him a little doggie coat too as the temperate dips.
So the paleo diet hasn’t really been implemented yet; however the good news is that being back at work forces me to eat healthier. When I’m working I have to plan my lunches and snacks out in advance and when I’m there I can’t snack on garbage because the only food I bring with me is healthy! In fact, this past Friday I turned down fresh donuts. I was very happy with myself. Although, when I got home I proceeded to eat about 5 cardamom cookies with my tea, so it probably didn’t really help anything by not eating the donut. The only slight consolation is that the cookies didn’t have any high fructose corn syrup in them.
I’ve noticed that all these months of unemployment have led to me sitting around, which in turns leads me to eat when I’m bored. Unfortunately when I’m bored I eat chocolate. I know: the worst possible thing I could reach for is what I eat at the worst possible time.
Well, today is the first Saturday I’m home from work and I’ve been really good! I had a good breakfast: one egg cooked in coconut oil, one slice of bacon, a slice of toast and a cup of tea. I’ve gone from usually eating two slices of toast or two waffles, basically all carbs, for breakfast to adding a good amount of protein. It’s amazing how much it helps me function when I add protein to my morning meal. Although I have to admit it’s really hard for me to wake up and start shoveling food into my mouth. I’m used to having a cup of tea and having breakfast an hour or two later, but of course I can’t do that now that I have to be out the door in an hour and a half.
Then instead of reaching for chocolate when I got hungry around 11am (I’d been up since 5am) I actually ate a raw food bar. For some of you this may not sound like a huge achievement, but for me it was! Especially with a giant sized bar of Toblerone sitting on my desk that my Mom got for us! My lunch was pretty paleo friendly: a couple of slices of ham wrapped in a slice of cheese and a cup of tea. I forgot to eat a piece of fruit though, darn it.
Even though I’m getting up early and working 8 hour days, I’m actually feeling really good because my diet has been really good this week. It’s amazing what the right diet can do! I do have to give Mr. Tyger a lot of credit this week for finding and making some awesome recipes from Oxygen magazine.
This is the apple cider vinegar glazed chicken with fresh tomato, cucumber and cilantro salad paired with a side of quinoa and lentil mix.
Quinoa is my new favorite grain. It’s a huge improvement from white Basmati rice. I know, it’s still a grain, but I’ve got to take baby steps and at this point my goal is to move toward clean eating first and then trim the carbs down. I’m worried that if I cut out carbs too quickly I’ll have really bad cravings, which will lead to me totally abandoning my diet. I’m sick of yo-yoing between healthy habits and unhealthy habits! I just want to reset my habits so that healthy eating just becomes part of my routine. I know that I will have to continue to be vigilant about what I eat, because let’s face it, junk food isn’t exactly scarce!
But so far I’m feeling more optimistic about my health and eating clean. I think it’s time to subscribe to Oxygen magazine again!
So, yes, we have jobs and a source of income so we can go out with friends, but we don't have the time. It’s lame. But, I’ll say it again: in this awful economy, I’m very thankful that we are both employed. Going from seeing my hubby all the time when we were both unemployed to only seeing him for about 3.5 hours a day (not counting when we’re asleep, because that doesn’t really count) is really hard for both of us. Especially since we love spending time together and also seeing our friends, going out and having a social life.
I know I shouldn’t complain. It just takes some getting used to.
Anyway. I just can’t believe that it’s almost November! I’m not sure where this year went. It feels like it was just July. At least the cooler temps have moved into the valley which is a blessed relief from the searing Phoenix sun. When I take Rama on a walk in the mornings, I actually need a hoodie. I think we may need to get him a little doggie coat too as the temperate dips.
So the paleo diet hasn’t really been implemented yet; however the good news is that being back at work forces me to eat healthier. When I’m working I have to plan my lunches and snacks out in advance and when I’m there I can’t snack on garbage because the only food I bring with me is healthy! In fact, this past Friday I turned down fresh donuts. I was very happy with myself. Although, when I got home I proceeded to eat about 5 cardamom cookies with my tea, so it probably didn’t really help anything by not eating the donut. The only slight consolation is that the cookies didn’t have any high fructose corn syrup in them.
I’ve noticed that all these months of unemployment have led to me sitting around, which in turns leads me to eat when I’m bored. Unfortunately when I’m bored I eat chocolate. I know: the worst possible thing I could reach for is what I eat at the worst possible time.
Well, today is the first Saturday I’m home from work and I’ve been really good! I had a good breakfast: one egg cooked in coconut oil, one slice of bacon, a slice of toast and a cup of tea. I’ve gone from usually eating two slices of toast or two waffles, basically all carbs, for breakfast to adding a good amount of protein. It’s amazing how much it helps me function when I add protein to my morning meal. Although I have to admit it’s really hard for me to wake up and start shoveling food into my mouth. I’m used to having a cup of tea and having breakfast an hour or two later, but of course I can’t do that now that I have to be out the door in an hour and a half.
Then instead of reaching for chocolate when I got hungry around 11am (I’d been up since 5am) I actually ate a raw food bar. For some of you this may not sound like a huge achievement, but for me it was! Especially with a giant sized bar of Toblerone sitting on my desk that my Mom got for us! My lunch was pretty paleo friendly: a couple of slices of ham wrapped in a slice of cheese and a cup of tea. I forgot to eat a piece of fruit though, darn it.
Even though I’m getting up early and working 8 hour days, I’m actually feeling really good because my diet has been really good this week. It’s amazing what the right diet can do! I do have to give Mr. Tyger a lot of credit this week for finding and making some awesome recipes from Oxygen magazine.
This is the apple cider vinegar glazed chicken with fresh tomato, cucumber and cilantro salad paired with a side of quinoa and lentil mix.
Quinoa is my new favorite grain. It’s a huge improvement from white Basmati rice. I know, it’s still a grain, but I’ve got to take baby steps and at this point my goal is to move toward clean eating first and then trim the carbs down. I’m worried that if I cut out carbs too quickly I’ll have really bad cravings, which will lead to me totally abandoning my diet. I’m sick of yo-yoing between healthy habits and unhealthy habits! I just want to reset my habits so that healthy eating just becomes part of my routine. I know that I will have to continue to be vigilant about what I eat, because let’s face it, junk food isn’t exactly scarce!
But so far I’m feeling more optimistic about my health and eating clean. I think it’s time to subscribe to Oxygen magazine again!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Money can’t buy happiness, but it comes close
After five months of unemployment, I am now employed! I can’t explain how happy I am to have a job. It’s a great position where I get to use my skills and also learn new techniques. Most importantly I’ll be getting back to doing research! I’ve been away from the lab bench for far too long.
Is it strange that I feel like a “normal” person now? My husband and I can go out to eat, we can go to the movies, and we can actually go out with friends! The last couple of months I’ve felt like a recluse because I didn’t have money to go out and do the things that most people with an income take for granted. I’ve been at home spending hours on end applying for jobs or fixing up our rental property. I am thankful that all those hours paid off. (Now we just need to get the rental house, rented.)
I feel like my life is back on track. I can actually go back to the gym, buy clothes when I need them and even buy my best friend presents for her birthday and Christmas which is coming up. She and my husband are the only two people I ever get presents for. I’m not a very good gift giver. I just can’t figure out what to give someone else unless they tell me that they need something specific. I’m not that person who always knows the perfect gift to give. My brain is a bit more practical in giving and in receiving. I like to get socks and I like to give socks. Everyone needs socks.
My husband, let’s call him, Mr. Tyger, landed his new job the week before I got mine. He is elated to be working again as well. I think it has been hard on him because he’s not the kind of guy who likes to sit at home and do nothing. He’s been working since he was a teenager and has a very strong work ethic. I don’t start my job till next week so it’s been fun packing his lunch for him every morning. I’ve been putting little love notes on post-its in his lunch box. I figured he would know that he is loved and that I’m thinking about him even when he’s at work. However, being a house wife is starting to grate on my nerves. I like being able to keep a clean home and have time to watch Dead Like Me at my leisure, but my brain is starting to decay. I need to have an occupation that allows me to use my brain and that’s why I’m so happy about this new opportunity.
Wilted neurons are never sexy.
October has been a fortuitous month for us! And even though our schedules aren’t ideal, we’re both glad to be working.
Is it strange that I feel like a “normal” person now? My husband and I can go out to eat, we can go to the movies, and we can actually go out with friends! The last couple of months I’ve felt like a recluse because I didn’t have money to go out and do the things that most people with an income take for granted. I’ve been at home spending hours on end applying for jobs or fixing up our rental property. I am thankful that all those hours paid off. (Now we just need to get the rental house, rented.)
I feel like my life is back on track. I can actually go back to the gym, buy clothes when I need them and even buy my best friend presents for her birthday and Christmas which is coming up. She and my husband are the only two people I ever get presents for. I’m not a very good gift giver. I just can’t figure out what to give someone else unless they tell me that they need something specific. I’m not that person who always knows the perfect gift to give. My brain is a bit more practical in giving and in receiving. I like to get socks and I like to give socks. Everyone needs socks.
My husband, let’s call him, Mr. Tyger, landed his new job the week before I got mine. He is elated to be working again as well. I think it has been hard on him because he’s not the kind of guy who likes to sit at home and do nothing. He’s been working since he was a teenager and has a very strong work ethic. I don’t start my job till next week so it’s been fun packing his lunch for him every morning. I’ve been putting little love notes on post-its in his lunch box. I figured he would know that he is loved and that I’m thinking about him even when he’s at work. However, being a house wife is starting to grate on my nerves. I like being able to keep a clean home and have time to watch Dead Like Me at my leisure, but my brain is starting to decay. I need to have an occupation that allows me to use my brain and that’s why I’m so happy about this new opportunity.
Wilted neurons are never sexy.
October has been a fortuitous month for us! And even though our schedules aren’t ideal, we’re both glad to be working.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Stop the Hate
Raymond Chase.
Seth Walsh.
Asher Brown.
Billy Lucas.
Tyler Clementi.
These young men’s names have been in the news recently because they all committed suicide after being bullied or harassed in some fashion about their sexual orientation.
Having been bullied a lot myself as a child, I clearly remember what a terrible experience that was. When I went to school in England, I was bullied because of my race. At home, in India, I was bullied, because… I don’t even remember why anymore, but I still remember it being a dreadful experience. But I simply cannot imagine what these young men went through. One’s sexual orientation, like one’s race, is something you are born with and you cannot change it. The thought of these young men being harassed and bullied about it breaks my heart!
Here are some related links:
Tyler Clementi's Suicide Sparks Outrage At Rutgers
Billy Lucas, 15, Hangs Himself
Parents: Bullies drove 13-year-old to suicide (Asher Brown)
Family mourns death of bullied, gay CA teen (Seth Walsh)
Gay R.I. Student Commits Suicide (Raymond Chase)
Sarah Silverman Addresses Gay Teen Suicides
An Important Message - From Ellen DeGeneres (Gay Suicide)
Neil Patrick Harris' Message to Gay Youth
I am just astounded by how much hate there is in the world. We are more connected to one another via the internet, various forms of social media, cell phones, and not to mention, good old fashioned snail mail, and yet we seem to be more divided than ever. What scares and repulses me the most is how certain groups of people are actively propagating messages of hate. (I’m not going to supply you with links to hateful messages or people.) What is equally unsettling is that the media also propagates messages of hate which then percolate into the consciousness of the people who consume and internalize their message.
One surprising propagator of hate is Perez Hilton. His site routinely derides and viciously scoffs at various celebrities. And he is gay. Does he not experience any cognitive dissonance when he publishes messages of hate while being vehemently against people who promote hateful messages against the LGBT community? Granted some may argue that his site is all in good humor and he’s well within his rights to criticize celebrities who open their lives up to public scrutiny. But if you read his posts consistently, as I did for a time, you will notice that it goes beyond criticizing a celebrity for a bad choice of dress or life partner. His commentary is just plain hateful.
Even the laws that govern the people of this country are not free from hate: Proposition 107 in Arizona and Proposition 8 in California to name two of them. When our law makers start writing hate into the rules that govern us, it really starts to make you wonder what on earth is going on?!
Some typical arguments that come up when talking about gay marriage include:
Same sex marriage is against God’s will.
If you feel this way that is your opinion; however you have no right to legislate your religious beliefs into law. We are not a nation led by religion.
Same sex marriage destroys/threatens the sanctity of marriage.
Really?! How can two consenting adults who want their relationship to be recognized by the government so that they may have the same protections and benefits as heterosexual couples already enjoy, threaten you in any way? It does not lessen any privileges and benefits that you receive from a heterosexual marriage. Allowing same sex marriage will in no way affect heterosexual marriage!
Homosexuality not natural.
There have been studies that show biological differences between the brains of homosexual and heterosexual men (Gay men, straight women have similar brains). Biological, quantifiable, reproducible, SCIENTIFIC evidence. You can’t change your race. Nor can you magically change your sexual orientation.
Homo sapiens come in many different sizes, skin colors and sexual orientations. These are biological traits that are a part of us. To hate someone because they are black, brown or white, is to hate yourself. To hate someone because they are homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual, is to hate yourself. We are all humans and we deserve respect. We need to stop the hate.
When I started this blog, I didn’t know what to write about, but I knew that I wanted to use this blog to talk about parts of my life and to talk about issues that were important to me. However I was, and still am, committed to putting good energy into the universe. There is already so much hate and disregard for each other that I did not want to be another voice contributing to those hateful messages. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel very strongly about the topics I write about, but I want to contribute something meaningful and thought provoking, even if no one ever reads this.
Hopefully, we can eventually stop the hate one voice, one heart and one mind at a time.
Seth Walsh.
Asher Brown.
Billy Lucas.
Tyler Clementi.
These young men’s names have been in the news recently because they all committed suicide after being bullied or harassed in some fashion about their sexual orientation.
Having been bullied a lot myself as a child, I clearly remember what a terrible experience that was. When I went to school in England, I was bullied because of my race. At home, in India, I was bullied, because… I don’t even remember why anymore, but I still remember it being a dreadful experience. But I simply cannot imagine what these young men went through. One’s sexual orientation, like one’s race, is something you are born with and you cannot change it. The thought of these young men being harassed and bullied about it breaks my heart!
Here are some related links:
Tyler Clementi's Suicide Sparks Outrage At Rutgers
Billy Lucas, 15, Hangs Himself
Parents: Bullies drove 13-year-old to suicide (Asher Brown)
Family mourns death of bullied, gay CA teen (Seth Walsh)
Gay R.I. Student Commits Suicide (Raymond Chase)
Sarah Silverman Addresses Gay Teen Suicides
An Important Message - From Ellen DeGeneres (Gay Suicide)
Neil Patrick Harris' Message to Gay Youth
I am just astounded by how much hate there is in the world. We are more connected to one another via the internet, various forms of social media, cell phones, and not to mention, good old fashioned snail mail, and yet we seem to be more divided than ever. What scares and repulses me the most is how certain groups of people are actively propagating messages of hate. (I’m not going to supply you with links to hateful messages or people.) What is equally unsettling is that the media also propagates messages of hate which then percolate into the consciousness of the people who consume and internalize their message.
One surprising propagator of hate is Perez Hilton. His site routinely derides and viciously scoffs at various celebrities. And he is gay. Does he not experience any cognitive dissonance when he publishes messages of hate while being vehemently against people who promote hateful messages against the LGBT community? Granted some may argue that his site is all in good humor and he’s well within his rights to criticize celebrities who open their lives up to public scrutiny. But if you read his posts consistently, as I did for a time, you will notice that it goes beyond criticizing a celebrity for a bad choice of dress or life partner. His commentary is just plain hateful.
Even the laws that govern the people of this country are not free from hate: Proposition 107 in Arizona and Proposition 8 in California to name two of them. When our law makers start writing hate into the rules that govern us, it really starts to make you wonder what on earth is going on?!
Some typical arguments that come up when talking about gay marriage include:
Same sex marriage is against God’s will.
If you feel this way that is your opinion; however you have no right to legislate your religious beliefs into law. We are not a nation led by religion.
Same sex marriage destroys/threatens the sanctity of marriage.
Really?! How can two consenting adults who want their relationship to be recognized by the government so that they may have the same protections and benefits as heterosexual couples already enjoy, threaten you in any way? It does not lessen any privileges and benefits that you receive from a heterosexual marriage. Allowing same sex marriage will in no way affect heterosexual marriage!
Homosexuality not natural.
There have been studies that show biological differences between the brains of homosexual and heterosexual men (Gay men, straight women have similar brains). Biological, quantifiable, reproducible, SCIENTIFIC evidence. You can’t change your race. Nor can you magically change your sexual orientation.
Homo sapiens come in many different sizes, skin colors and sexual orientations. These are biological traits that are a part of us. To hate someone because they are black, brown or white, is to hate yourself. To hate someone because they are homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual, is to hate yourself. We are all humans and we deserve respect. We need to stop the hate.
When I started this blog, I didn’t know what to write about, but I knew that I wanted to use this blog to talk about parts of my life and to talk about issues that were important to me. However I was, and still am, committed to putting good energy into the universe. There is already so much hate and disregard for each other that I did not want to be another voice contributing to those hateful messages. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel very strongly about the topics I write about, but I want to contribute something meaningful and thought provoking, even if no one ever reads this.
Hopefully, we can eventually stop the hate one voice, one heart and one mind at a time.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Health is Wealth
My Mom had a friend who was a brilliant woman and a gifted architect. She was the only female in her graduating class in India. She worked hard and finally immigrated to the US. However her health was not always the best. Sometimes she’d be the picture of health and at other times she was terribly ill. She finally died a short while after immigrating back to India.
A person’s quality of life is severely diminished by bad health. Health is indeed a type of wealth.
When I was a young child I was very skinny, painfully skinny, as my mother would certainly say. Then I hit puberty and along with a drastic change in eating habits (brought on by a change in living arrangements; it’s complicated) I blossomed into a chubby teenager. That little extra weight felt like a huge burden during those years of teenage hell. I never lost those few extra pounds even as an adult. In fact I gained a few more.
In 2003, shortly after my grandmother passed away from a massive heart attack, I decided that my family medical history was reason enough for me to make the commitment to lead a healthier life. So I bought a pilates VHS tape and began exercising a couple days a week. I slowly began changing my dietary habits to include more fruits, vegetables and less chocolate. Slowly, very slowly I dropped a couple of pounds. I felt like a new person. I felt ALIVE!
I did a mixture of pilates, weights, hiking and biking for most of 2003, it tapered off in 2004 and by the end of 2004 I was officially not working out again.
In January of 2005 I started Tae kwon do (TKD). What a wonderful life changing experience! By this time I was in graduate school and in need of a stress relieving activity. This new sport was a perfect mix of self defense training, cardio, and traditional martial arts. My life now consisted of three things: my parents, my work/school and TKD. I used to be in the dojang for about 8-10 hours a week. I lost weight, but then I realized I gained weight too! But of course muscle weighs more than fat so I was losing fat but I was also building muscle. At the peak of my training I could, using the correct technique of course, lift and roll my 250lb black belt teacher off me during a ground fight while he was doing everything in his power to pin me to the ground while stabbing at me with a training knife. I was on my way to a black belt.
But it was now December of 2006. I was engaged to be married and I was still working on my master’s thesis. I needed to focus on school. So with a heavy heart I left TKD to complete my degree. From 2007 to 2008 I spent a great deal of time sitting down, reading background literature and writing my thesis. I gained weight.
My brother-in-law was going to get married in June of 2009, so around February of that year I “hired” my husband as my personal trainer and nutritionist because he’s good at that sort of thing. With a combination of diet and exercise I was in good, not great, but good shape by June. I felt ALIVE again. My body remembered how to move quickly and with power and strength. I even went back to TKD for a while. (Which was a disaster by the way, because I couldn’t remember anything beyond the most basic forms.)
We then moved to Phoenix and bought a year’s membership to Gold’s Gym … which we never used. And then came the weight. Slowly, creeping back into my life. Making me feel sore and old and like I have one foot in the grave. Now I am at the heaviest I have ever been and I feel AWFUL. I don’t think I can adequately describe how awful I feel, so you’ll just have to imagine.
The other day I came across this blog: Girl Gone Primal. I have heard of the Paleo diet before but was never inclined to try it. My reason? I’m addicted to carbs. And chocolate. I don’t even want to know what my blood sugar looks like after I eat a lot of carbs and/or chocolate. I shudder to think. Of late my diet has consisted mainly of TV dinners for both lunch and dinner. Breakfast is more carbs in the form of bread or cereal. I know I’m going to live a horrible existence and die a miserable death if I keep on this way.
I have decided to give this paleo diet a shot. Now considering the carb maniac that I am, I’m taking it slow in weaning myself away from carbohydrates. I don’t drink a lot of milk except for a little in my tea so I’m not too worried about diary. But it’s more than going on a “fad” diet. I really want to change how I nourish my body and mind! It’s a lifestyle change. And I don’t think I’m ready to make the change, but I know I must and I’m going to start making little changes TODAY! I started by planning out a menu of real food, going to the grocery store and actually eating a “real” meal for dinner.
Part of the reason why I’m stuck in an unhealthy habit rut is because I’m unemployed right now and it’s been really stressful. Stress as most of you know is bad for the body. Your adrenal glands that sit on top of your kidneys release cotisol into the bloodstream. Cortisol is the human hormone that helps us combat stressful situations and one way it does that is to promote the deposition of fat. For our ancestors this was a wonderful survival mechanism and helped them through times of famine. However in our current society this can lead to excess fat since fatty foods are so readily available and being a woman I crave fatty/sweet foods when I’m stressed. You see the lovely cycle? Get stressed- eat chocolate- step on scale/don’t fit in jeans- get stressed- eat chocolate.
I’m trying to break that cycle. I want to respect my body by not filling it with junk! One of the worst offenders is pasteurized milk which is essentially: crap in a jug. But until I’m employed again I can’t afford raw milk. (I may have a post on the evils of pasteurized milk one of these days.) So I will try and keep you updated on how my health progresses while I move towards a paleo diet. I’m not on a schedule at the moment; I’m just trying to get the wheel turning, which seems to be the hardest part. Here I go!
A person’s quality of life is severely diminished by bad health. Health is indeed a type of wealth.
When I was a young child I was very skinny, painfully skinny, as my mother would certainly say. Then I hit puberty and along with a drastic change in eating habits (brought on by a change in living arrangements; it’s complicated) I blossomed into a chubby teenager. That little extra weight felt like a huge burden during those years of teenage hell. I never lost those few extra pounds even as an adult. In fact I gained a few more.
In 2003, shortly after my grandmother passed away from a massive heart attack, I decided that my family medical history was reason enough for me to make the commitment to lead a healthier life. So I bought a pilates VHS tape and began exercising a couple days a week. I slowly began changing my dietary habits to include more fruits, vegetables and less chocolate. Slowly, very slowly I dropped a couple of pounds. I felt like a new person. I felt ALIVE!
I did a mixture of pilates, weights, hiking and biking for most of 2003, it tapered off in 2004 and by the end of 2004 I was officially not working out again.
In January of 2005 I started Tae kwon do (TKD). What a wonderful life changing experience! By this time I was in graduate school and in need of a stress relieving activity. This new sport was a perfect mix of self defense training, cardio, and traditional martial arts. My life now consisted of three things: my parents, my work/school and TKD. I used to be in the dojang for about 8-10 hours a week. I lost weight, but then I realized I gained weight too! But of course muscle weighs more than fat so I was losing fat but I was also building muscle. At the peak of my training I could, using the correct technique of course, lift and roll my 250lb black belt teacher off me during a ground fight while he was doing everything in his power to pin me to the ground while stabbing at me with a training knife. I was on my way to a black belt.
But it was now December of 2006. I was engaged to be married and I was still working on my master’s thesis. I needed to focus on school. So with a heavy heart I left TKD to complete my degree. From 2007 to 2008 I spent a great deal of time sitting down, reading background literature and writing my thesis. I gained weight.
My brother-in-law was going to get married in June of 2009, so around February of that year I “hired” my husband as my personal trainer and nutritionist because he’s good at that sort of thing. With a combination of diet and exercise I was in good, not great, but good shape by June. I felt ALIVE again. My body remembered how to move quickly and with power and strength. I even went back to TKD for a while. (Which was a disaster by the way, because I couldn’t remember anything beyond the most basic forms.)
We then moved to Phoenix and bought a year’s membership to Gold’s Gym … which we never used. And then came the weight. Slowly, creeping back into my life. Making me feel sore and old and like I have one foot in the grave. Now I am at the heaviest I have ever been and I feel AWFUL. I don’t think I can adequately describe how awful I feel, so you’ll just have to imagine.
The other day I came across this blog: Girl Gone Primal. I have heard of the Paleo diet before but was never inclined to try it. My reason? I’m addicted to carbs. And chocolate. I don’t even want to know what my blood sugar looks like after I eat a lot of carbs and/or chocolate. I shudder to think. Of late my diet has consisted mainly of TV dinners for both lunch and dinner. Breakfast is more carbs in the form of bread or cereal. I know I’m going to live a horrible existence and die a miserable death if I keep on this way.
I have decided to give this paleo diet a shot. Now considering the carb maniac that I am, I’m taking it slow in weaning myself away from carbohydrates. I don’t drink a lot of milk except for a little in my tea so I’m not too worried about diary. But it’s more than going on a “fad” diet. I really want to change how I nourish my body and mind! It’s a lifestyle change. And I don’t think I’m ready to make the change, but I know I must and I’m going to start making little changes TODAY! I started by planning out a menu of real food, going to the grocery store and actually eating a “real” meal for dinner.
Part of the reason why I’m stuck in an unhealthy habit rut is because I’m unemployed right now and it’s been really stressful. Stress as most of you know is bad for the body. Your adrenal glands that sit on top of your kidneys release cotisol into the bloodstream. Cortisol is the human hormone that helps us combat stressful situations and one way it does that is to promote the deposition of fat. For our ancestors this was a wonderful survival mechanism and helped them through times of famine. However in our current society this can lead to excess fat since fatty foods are so readily available and being a woman I crave fatty/sweet foods when I’m stressed. You see the lovely cycle? Get stressed- eat chocolate- step on scale/don’t fit in jeans- get stressed- eat chocolate.
I’m trying to break that cycle. I want to respect my body by not filling it with junk! One of the worst offenders is pasteurized milk which is essentially: crap in a jug. But until I’m employed again I can’t afford raw milk. (I may have a post on the evils of pasteurized milk one of these days.) So I will try and keep you updated on how my health progresses while I move towards a paleo diet. I’m not on a schedule at the moment; I’m just trying to get the wheel turning, which seems to be the hardest part. Here I go!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Why, indeed?
I recently found out that my brother-in-law, C.J.E., is going to have his first biological child. His wife, A.C.E., already had a daughter, S., with another man when they met and he now regards her as his own, but this will be his first biological child. He’s a computer programmer and works from home while taking care of his wife and his step-daughter. His life in now… full, in the sense that he never has a free moment for himself. His wife doesn’t work from home or otherwise, and he feels it’s his duty to everything for the both of them.
I saw an article the other day called Why Have Kids?. It basically brings up a very valid point of how people seldom seem to think of reasons why they should have children. An excerpt:
I often think that the majority of people never ask this question before having children and yet are completely flummoxed when asked. Yes, sometimes you’ll hear a weak canned answer as the article points out and mentions some of them. But the responses are typically ridiculous! Seemingly intelligent people will give you the stupidest answers in response to this question. Once I got, “I wanted to conduct my own experiment of what it would be like to have a baby” from a friend, T.M., who worked in an academic research lab and is now getting her Master’s in education. She said it in jest, but honestly, I don’t think she’s ever properly answered the question. She’s just “always wanted a baby” according to a mutual friend.
Yet, when I tell someone that I’m Childfree (CF), they expect me to explain myself and then will go on to disregard my reasons. Now, I must mention that my reasons for being Childfree may not be the same as another CF person, but that does not make them any less valid.
Like a lot of women, I grew up thinking that one day I will get married and have children. However when I did finally grow up, I realized that I still wanted to get married, but I had no desire to procreate. It took me the better part of three years of thinking about how my life would change with children, how my relationship with my husband would change with the stress of parenting, and how my career, my friendships, my hobbies, would be affected by having children. I also thought about what kind of a parent I would be and I know that I would be a great parent… but only about 25% of the time. The rest of the time I’d be a stressed out mess and that would not be fair to my offspring. The most overwhelming reason why I decided not to have children is: I don’t want children. Period. That’s it, no fancy explanations. I simply don’t want kids!
That may be really hard for some people to understand, but that’s how I feel. And I can’t even begin to tell you how rude it is when people think it is ok to question my decision. For instance, I met a woman at my brother-in-law’s wedding and had been speaking to her for all of three minutes when she asks me when my husband and I are going to have children. I responded that we weren’t having any and she promptly went about telling me why I would change my mind. Three minutes. That’s how long I’d been making idle chitchat with her and she suddenly knows that I’m going to change my mind about a decision I literally spent years thinking about? Right.
Firstly, having children is a decision. Yes, it is possible to decide not to have children. It’s not my problem that it never occurred to someone that they had a choice in the matter. Secondly, the decision to procreate is a personal one and as such contradicting a person’s personal wishes is downright rude! It’s not your place to tell me I should have children, just as I would never tell someone else that the y shouldn’t have children! Why is this such a difficult concept?!
It is so frustrating and rude when a person thinks it’s ok to challenge your life choices when you came to those choices by a lot of thought and introspection. I mean, that’s what adults are supposed to do: make sensible life choices!
I saw an article the other day called Why Have Kids?. It basically brings up a very valid point of how people seldom seem to think of reasons why they should have children. An excerpt:
“Whenever I hear that a friend has begun the trying process of trying, or is considering attempting what I like to call The Ultimate Vanity Project, I often follow up by asking them, “Why?” If they were going to adopt a rescued greyhound, trade in their Prius for an S.U.V., or even ponder a bright colored accent wall in their living room, they’d be expected have some sort of well-sorted grounds for taking action. But the response to this line of inquiry is often nothing more than a blank stare.”
I often think that the majority of people never ask this question before having children and yet are completely flummoxed when asked. Yes, sometimes you’ll hear a weak canned answer as the article points out and mentions some of them. But the responses are typically ridiculous! Seemingly intelligent people will give you the stupidest answers in response to this question. Once I got, “I wanted to conduct my own experiment of what it would be like to have a baby” from a friend, T.M., who worked in an academic research lab and is now getting her Master’s in education. She said it in jest, but honestly, I don’t think she’s ever properly answered the question. She’s just “always wanted a baby” according to a mutual friend.
Yet, when I tell someone that I’m Childfree (CF), they expect me to explain myself and then will go on to disregard my reasons. Now, I must mention that my reasons for being Childfree may not be the same as another CF person, but that does not make them any less valid.
Like a lot of women, I grew up thinking that one day I will get married and have children. However when I did finally grow up, I realized that I still wanted to get married, but I had no desire to procreate. It took me the better part of three years of thinking about how my life would change with children, how my relationship with my husband would change with the stress of parenting, and how my career, my friendships, my hobbies, would be affected by having children. I also thought about what kind of a parent I would be and I know that I would be a great parent… but only about 25% of the time. The rest of the time I’d be a stressed out mess and that would not be fair to my offspring. The most overwhelming reason why I decided not to have children is: I don’t want children. Period. That’s it, no fancy explanations. I simply don’t want kids!
That may be really hard for some people to understand, but that’s how I feel. And I can’t even begin to tell you how rude it is when people think it is ok to question my decision. For instance, I met a woman at my brother-in-law’s wedding and had been speaking to her for all of three minutes when she asks me when my husband and I are going to have children. I responded that we weren’t having any and she promptly went about telling me why I would change my mind. Three minutes. That’s how long I’d been making idle chitchat with her and she suddenly knows that I’m going to change my mind about a decision I literally spent years thinking about? Right.
Firstly, having children is a decision. Yes, it is possible to decide not to have children. It’s not my problem that it never occurred to someone that they had a choice in the matter. Secondly, the decision to procreate is a personal one and as such contradicting a person’s personal wishes is downright rude! It’s not your place to tell me I should have children, just as I would never tell someone else that the y shouldn’t have children! Why is this such a difficult concept?!
It is so frustrating and rude when a person thinks it’s ok to challenge your life choices when you came to those choices by a lot of thought and introspection. I mean, that’s what adults are supposed to do: make sensible life choices!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
To Acquire a New Shirt
Today was quite an eventful day. My last living grandparent died this afternoon. I never thought my first blog post would be about death of a loved one, but there you have it.
Needless to say, I’m saddened by his death. However, he was in very bad health, so his passing is a relief. At least he is now free of pain and hopefully his soul has moved onto a new life. I had last seen my grandfather 14 years ago. That’s how long it has been since I was last in India. I was hoping to go back to visit with my husband so that my grandfather could meet him. But I guess that was not meant to be. His funeral is later today in India, so we won’t be attending.
I’m also saddened by the fact that I’ll never get to sit and chat with him and get to know him as an adult. I only remember him from when I was a child. My grandfather was an extremely intelligent man. He graduated from one of the best colleges in Bombay at a time when not everyone even got to go to college. I wanted to ask him about so many things. But I shall never have the opportunity now. He has gone on “to acquire a new shirt,” as my Dad said. I hope his next life is blessed and peaceful.
Do you remember when you first became aware of your mortality? I think I was about 11, maybe 12, when I realized, I mean, fully realized that one day my parents were going to die. I was terrified! I was scared that I’d be alone. I was scared that I would have no one to take care of me. It was not a pleasant experience.
Sometimes that sense of how short life is really takes hold of me. At those times I want to tell everyone I love how much they mean to me. I feel like eating chocolate, kissing my kitties and the dog, and holding my husband close to me. I feel like running, hard and fast, to make sure I feel properly alive. Exercise and physical exertion seem to help ease these feelings. There’s nothing quite like feeling the blood rush through your arteries to help you remember that you’re still alive and to stop freaking out!
I seem to remember also, that I’m getting older by the growing number of people I know who have passed away. About two years ago I found out that a friend, N.A.S., who had worked in the same lab as I did during my undergraduate years had committed suicide. He was only a few years younger than me at the time. Hearing about his death really shook me to the core. He had told me about how he was mugged in Spain while on vacation. The attackers had left him for dead. His back was so badly injured after the brutal assault that he suffered from chronic pain. The pain was so debilitating and his doctors had tried everything but couldn’t lessen it. Even multiple surgeries didn’t bring him any relief. He finally couldn’t live with the pain anymore and ended his life. N.A.S. was a really good person. He was funny, smart and handsome. He will be missed.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Needless to say, I’m saddened by his death. However, he was in very bad health, so his passing is a relief. At least he is now free of pain and hopefully his soul has moved onto a new life. I had last seen my grandfather 14 years ago. That’s how long it has been since I was last in India. I was hoping to go back to visit with my husband so that my grandfather could meet him. But I guess that was not meant to be. His funeral is later today in India, so we won’t be attending.
I’m also saddened by the fact that I’ll never get to sit and chat with him and get to know him as an adult. I only remember him from when I was a child. My grandfather was an extremely intelligent man. He graduated from one of the best colleges in Bombay at a time when not everyone even got to go to college. I wanted to ask him about so many things. But I shall never have the opportunity now. He has gone on “to acquire a new shirt,” as my Dad said. I hope his next life is blessed and peaceful.
Do you remember when you first became aware of your mortality? I think I was about 11, maybe 12, when I realized, I mean, fully realized that one day my parents were going to die. I was terrified! I was scared that I’d be alone. I was scared that I would have no one to take care of me. It was not a pleasant experience.
Sometimes that sense of how short life is really takes hold of me. At those times I want to tell everyone I love how much they mean to me. I feel like eating chocolate, kissing my kitties and the dog, and holding my husband close to me. I feel like running, hard and fast, to make sure I feel properly alive. Exercise and physical exertion seem to help ease these feelings. There’s nothing quite like feeling the blood rush through your arteries to help you remember that you’re still alive and to stop freaking out!
I seem to remember also, that I’m getting older by the growing number of people I know who have passed away. About two years ago I found out that a friend, N.A.S., who had worked in the same lab as I did during my undergraduate years had committed suicide. He was only a few years younger than me at the time. Hearing about his death really shook me to the core. He had told me about how he was mugged in Spain while on vacation. The attackers had left him for dead. His back was so badly injured after the brutal assault that he suffered from chronic pain. The pain was so debilitating and his doctors had tried everything but couldn’t lessen it. Even multiple surgeries didn’t bring him any relief. He finally couldn’t live with the pain anymore and ended his life. N.A.S. was a really good person. He was funny, smart and handsome. He will be missed.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
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