To Acquire a New Shirt

Today was quite an eventful day. My last living grandparent died this afternoon. I never thought my first blog post would be about death of a loved one, but there you have it.

Needless to say, I’m saddened by his death. However, he was in very bad health, so his passing is a relief. At least he is now free of pain and hopefully his soul has moved onto a new life. I had last seen my grandfather 14 years ago. That’s how long it has been since I was last in India. I was hoping to go back to visit with my husband so that my grandfather could meet him. But I guess that was not meant to be. His funeral is later today in India, so we won’t be attending.

I’m also saddened by the fact that I’ll never get to sit and chat with him and get to know him as an adult. I only remember him from when I was a child. My grandfather was an extremely intelligent man. He graduated from one of the best colleges in Bombay at a time when not everyone even got to go to college. I wanted to ask him about so many things. But I shall never have the opportunity now. He has gone on “to acquire a new shirt,” as my Dad said. I hope his next life is blessed and peaceful.

Do you remember when you first became aware of your mortality? I think I was about 11, maybe 12, when I realized, I mean, fully realized that one day my parents were going to die. I was terrified! I was scared that I’d be alone. I was scared that I would have no one to take care of me. It was not a pleasant experience.

Sometimes that sense of how short life is really takes hold of me. At those times I want to tell everyone I love how much they mean to me. I feel like eating chocolate, kissing my kitties and the dog, and holding my husband close to me. I feel like running, hard and fast, to make sure I feel properly alive. Exercise and physical exertion seem to help ease these feelings. There’s nothing quite like feeling the blood rush through your arteries to help you remember that you’re still alive and to stop freaking out!

I seem to remember also, that I’m getting older by the growing number of people I know who have passed away. About two years ago I found out that a friend, N.A.S., who had worked in the same lab as I did during my undergraduate years had committed suicide. He was only a few years younger than me at the time. Hearing about his death really shook me to the core. He had told me about how he was mugged in Spain while on vacation. The attackers had left him for dead. His back was so badly injured after the brutal assault that he suffered from chronic pain. The pain was so debilitating and his doctors had tried everything but couldn’t lessen it. Even multiple surgeries didn’t bring him any relief. He finally couldn’t live with the pain anymore and ended his life. N.A.S. was a really good person. He was funny, smart and handsome. He will be missed.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day.