I love it!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Terrific Turquoise
Just a quick post to share with you a picture of my new tote bag that I bought from Target (online) to replace the one Rama destroyed:
I love it!
I love it!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Alcohol is a Mom’s Best Friend
One of my online indulgences is reading Dear Prudence over at Slate magazine. I was reading this week’s round of letters when I saw a link to the following article: Moms and Drinking: Secret After-Hour Addictions of Working Mothers.
I was absolutely horrified when I read it! The articles talks about a mostly hidden addiction of many working mothers to alcohol and sometimes prescription medication. According to the article, a sizeable amount of women have been self-medicating with these substances, in some cases for years, to cope with the stress of balancing a full time job along with the duties of parenthood.
A couple of things came to mind:
1. Women are working full time outside the home; however they are still contributing to significantly more than half of the child-rearing and household (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) responsibilities even when they have a spouse.
I still do not understand why so many women are contributing so much to child-rearing and household chores when they have a spouse who should also be contributing to those responsibilities in a significant way. Why do some men (and I realize not all men do this, Mr. Tyger being one of them) think this arrangement is acceptable? I realize that not all responsibilities are completely 50/50 for 100% of the time, but shouldn’t both parents be contributing fairly equally to raising their offspring?! Just because sperm cost less to produce in terms of biological energy doesn’t mean men get to take it easy when it comes to being active fathers! Speaking of biology, because in a discussion like this you can never ignore our biological differences, is the organization of the male brain an obstacle for having a more active role as a father and managing chores? No, of course that isn’t an excuse. However, if it is a factor, then men need to be aware of it and they must make a conscious effort to not only be committed fathers but also be eager contributors to household tasks.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that some women seem to think that their spouses are incapable of raising children. While this may be true for some men, it can’t possibly true for all fathers! Are some women not giving their husbands the chance to be an active part of their children’s life?
In case you’re wondering: I’m not trying to assign blame to men and/or women. I’m just asking questions from different perspectives so that I may understand why things are the way they are. I guess that gets back to one of the reasons why I went into science in the first place: I always like to know why.
Or perhaps some men are unsure of how to contribute to their children’s lives? I would think that men would want to have a more meaningful role than just being the guy who got Mom pregnant.
2. These working mothers don’t have a support system either through their spouse or their close friends to help them cope with these pressures.
Why can’t these women go to their spouse and ask for help and more involvement on their part? Can women not confide in their friends about the pressures they face? Is it so shameful to ask for help or to seek comfort?
The founder of the Facebook group “OMG I so need a glass of wine or I’m gonna sell my kids!” is Christine Trice:
Why do mothers need a “safe place” to admit that it’s hard being a parent?! Of course it’s hard! You are raising a human being and teaching them how to grow to be a productive member of society. Who on earth would assume that’s an easy job? Why must one hide the fact that sometimes it’s a bloody awful job? Perhaps because women are thoroughly conditioned from a young age to believe that having children is not an option, but a certainty. That brings me to my third point…
3. Society expects women to balance both motherhood and a full time job without much support from their spouse.
Women may be allowed the same jobs as men; however society on the whole, the media, friends, coworkers, family members and sometimes even complete strangers (!) expect women to have children. This expectation puts tremendous amounts of stress on women who may feel like they would rather not be a mother, but feel like they don’t have a choice in the matter.
You have a CHOICE!
A person, male or female, is not required to have children. Granted your biology may tell you differently, but thanks to effective methods of temporary and permanent birth control, you don’t have to have children if you don’t want to. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say this to me. I came to the decision to be childfree on my own after years of introspection.
So now you have women who are working outside the home and are contributing financially to put food on the table, a roof overhead, and clothes in the closet, but are also expected to do nearly everything a stay-at-home mother would do, in terms of child-rearing and chores. It’s no wonder that women are self-medicating to cope with all the pressure! It’s also not surprising that these women feel like they can’t ask for help or even be frank and admit that their getting a raw deal. Motherhood has been idealized to a point where women cannot live up to the high standards we place on them and still retain any semblance of sanity. Women are strong and resilient, but everyone has their breaking point. Look at the damage we are doing to women by idealizing motherhood which seems to be a terribly mind numbing job, at best, and a soul crushing job, at worst. Is there a reason we readily excuse men from this bleak life style? And why on earth do so many women accept this role?
I understand that it is hard to stand up to the overwhelming majority and say, “No. I will not bow to your demands.” It was incredibly lonely for me to choose childfreedom because I didn’t realize there was such a strong internet presence of like minded people. I went through it alone, as I’m sure many others have before me. But there is no reason to feel alone! If you want to choose a different life, then make the choice. But you must know yourself thoroughly before committing to it. Know your reasons. Know that there are things, both good and bad, that you will miss out on. But if you choose childfreedom you need to be ok with that.
For me, I’m perfectly happy never having the love of my child, my flesh and blood, a part of both my husband and myself. Never looking into a little face and seeing a part of me reflected there. Never holding a baby and knowing that I could never fathom loving someone so much. I am also perfectly happy to never change a diaper filled with diarrhea, never wipe a snotty nose, never have to help with homework, never have to clean up after anyone but myself and my husband, never have to sit through a PTA meeting, never have to pay for college (besides myself and my husband), never have to worry about teen pregnancy and STD’s, never have to worry about drug use, never… need I go on?
I’m not an imbecile. I fully understand that there are uniquely wonderful parts of parenthood that I would revel in had I chosen that path. However, I’m also not an imbecile to think that those beautiful parts of parenthood outnumber and outweigh the boredom, the tediousness, the worry, the frustration and the stress of having even one child.
Childfreedom is the best choice for ME.
This may or may not apply to you. I cannot speak to whether this choice would benefit another’s life in the way it has brought great joy to mine. Each person needs to make the choice for themselves, and themselves alone. Don’t do it because Mariah Carey is pregnant. Don’t do it because your Mother said so. Don’t do it because of your religion. If you choose to have children do it because you looked into yourself, weighed the pros and cons, and reached the conclusion that your life and you, as a person, would be better with children. Make it an informed decision, because the regret and resentment brought on by an uninformed decision might very well ruin your life. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but it is a big decision. It’s not like buying a pair of Jimmy Choo’s on a whim because that would just ruin your budget for the year. Having children would change your entire life, for better or worse.
I was absolutely horrified when I read it! The articles talks about a mostly hidden addiction of many working mothers to alcohol and sometimes prescription medication. According to the article, a sizeable amount of women have been self-medicating with these substances, in some cases for years, to cope with the stress of balancing a full time job along with the duties of parenthood.
A couple of things came to mind:
1. Women are working full time outside the home; however they are still contributing to significantly more than half of the child-rearing and household (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) responsibilities even when they have a spouse.
I still do not understand why so many women are contributing so much to child-rearing and household chores when they have a spouse who should also be contributing to those responsibilities in a significant way. Why do some men (and I realize not all men do this, Mr. Tyger being one of them) think this arrangement is acceptable? I realize that not all responsibilities are completely 50/50 for 100% of the time, but shouldn’t both parents be contributing fairly equally to raising their offspring?! Just because sperm cost less to produce in terms of biological energy doesn’t mean men get to take it easy when it comes to being active fathers! Speaking of biology, because in a discussion like this you can never ignore our biological differences, is the organization of the male brain an obstacle for having a more active role as a father and managing chores? No, of course that isn’t an excuse. However, if it is a factor, then men need to be aware of it and they must make a conscious effort to not only be committed fathers but also be eager contributors to household tasks.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that some women seem to think that their spouses are incapable of raising children. While this may be true for some men, it can’t possibly true for all fathers! Are some women not giving their husbands the chance to be an active part of their children’s life?
In case you’re wondering: I’m not trying to assign blame to men and/or women. I’m just asking questions from different perspectives so that I may understand why things are the way they are. I guess that gets back to one of the reasons why I went into science in the first place: I always like to know why.
Or perhaps some men are unsure of how to contribute to their children’s lives? I would think that men would want to have a more meaningful role than just being the guy who got Mom pregnant.
2. These working mothers don’t have a support system either through their spouse or their close friends to help them cope with these pressures.
Why can’t these women go to their spouse and ask for help and more involvement on their part? Can women not confide in their friends about the pressures they face? Is it so shameful to ask for help or to seek comfort?
The founder of the Facebook group “OMG I so need a glass of wine or I’m gonna sell my kids!” is Christine Trice:
Trice tells ParentDish the group is "not meant to promote drinking, but to be the safe place where moms can admit it is stressful."
Why do mothers need a “safe place” to admit that it’s hard being a parent?! Of course it’s hard! You are raising a human being and teaching them how to grow to be a productive member of society. Who on earth would assume that’s an easy job? Why must one hide the fact that sometimes it’s a bloody awful job? Perhaps because women are thoroughly conditioned from a young age to believe that having children is not an option, but a certainty. That brings me to my third point…
3. Society expects women to balance both motherhood and a full time job without much support from their spouse.
Women may be allowed the same jobs as men; however society on the whole, the media, friends, coworkers, family members and sometimes even complete strangers (!) expect women to have children. This expectation puts tremendous amounts of stress on women who may feel like they would rather not be a mother, but feel like they don’t have a choice in the matter.
You have a CHOICE!
A person, male or female, is not required to have children. Granted your biology may tell you differently, but thanks to effective methods of temporary and permanent birth control, you don’t have to have children if you don’t want to. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say this to me. I came to the decision to be childfree on my own after years of introspection.
So now you have women who are working outside the home and are contributing financially to put food on the table, a roof overhead, and clothes in the closet, but are also expected to do nearly everything a stay-at-home mother would do, in terms of child-rearing and chores. It’s no wonder that women are self-medicating to cope with all the pressure! It’s also not surprising that these women feel like they can’t ask for help or even be frank and admit that their getting a raw deal. Motherhood has been idealized to a point where women cannot live up to the high standards we place on them and still retain any semblance of sanity. Women are strong and resilient, but everyone has their breaking point. Look at the damage we are doing to women by idealizing motherhood which seems to be a terribly mind numbing job, at best, and a soul crushing job, at worst. Is there a reason we readily excuse men from this bleak life style? And why on earth do so many women accept this role?
I understand that it is hard to stand up to the overwhelming majority and say, “No. I will not bow to your demands.” It was incredibly lonely for me to choose childfreedom because I didn’t realize there was such a strong internet presence of like minded people. I went through it alone, as I’m sure many others have before me. But there is no reason to feel alone! If you want to choose a different life, then make the choice. But you must know yourself thoroughly before committing to it. Know your reasons. Know that there are things, both good and bad, that you will miss out on. But if you choose childfreedom you need to be ok with that.
For me, I’m perfectly happy never having the love of my child, my flesh and blood, a part of both my husband and myself. Never looking into a little face and seeing a part of me reflected there. Never holding a baby and knowing that I could never fathom loving someone so much. I am also perfectly happy to never change a diaper filled with diarrhea, never wipe a snotty nose, never have to help with homework, never have to clean up after anyone but myself and my husband, never have to sit through a PTA meeting, never have to pay for college (besides myself and my husband), never have to worry about teen pregnancy and STD’s, never have to worry about drug use, never… need I go on?
I’m not an imbecile. I fully understand that there are uniquely wonderful parts of parenthood that I would revel in had I chosen that path. However, I’m also not an imbecile to think that those beautiful parts of parenthood outnumber and outweigh the boredom, the tediousness, the worry, the frustration and the stress of having even one child.
Childfreedom is the best choice for ME.
This may or may not apply to you. I cannot speak to whether this choice would benefit another’s life in the way it has brought great joy to mine. Each person needs to make the choice for themselves, and themselves alone. Don’t do it because Mariah Carey is pregnant. Don’t do it because your Mother said so. Don’t do it because of your religion. If you choose to have children do it because you looked into yourself, weighed the pros and cons, and reached the conclusion that your life and you, as a person, would be better with children. Make it an informed decision, because the regret and resentment brought on by an uninformed decision might very well ruin your life. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but it is a big decision. It’s not like buying a pair of Jimmy Choo’s on a whim because that would just ruin your budget for the year. Having children would change your entire life, for better or worse.
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